A Deviation from the Norm

Sorry Skara.  Shove over.  Your mother has something to say.  I have spent much of the day attempting to do some cleaning and clearing out.  I found an old note book which contained some scribbles from a period of life that was rather black and bleak.  Reading this I realise how bad it was for me at that time, and oh boy, am I glad I have moved on somewhat!!

I feel a bit awkward, in some ways, sharing this - but equally I know a few people who are going through similar dark times.  This is for them.

Dark nights, dark days

Dark thoughts, dark ways

Where do they lead me to?

Mind is churning - a witches cauldron

What spells are brewing,

What sacrifices hurled in

Enabling me to find a path?

Which path do I take on this journey alone

Do I seek the light, or do I descend ever deeper into darkness

To find the centre of my earth?

The former seems simple, lit as it is by the glistening diamonds

That are snowflakes, sadly lacking in substance as they melt away

Leaving me in the darkness once again, yet further from the light

The darker path is a step into the unknown

No knowledge of where my foot will land

Yet I must trust it will find solid ground

I take the dark path taking tentative steps

My mind’s eye adjusting to the dark

Beginning to find form in the shifting shadows

Some of the shadows are familiar - I have met them before

I no longer hate them – nor yet like them

But respectful acceptance draws me to them

They are my companions on the journey

I have nothing to say to them – not yet trusting my thoughts

And the act of talking takes away the silence

Which is a pillow for my mind

Its softness allows my thoughts

To rest a while in mossy crevices

Hiding from the turmoil surrounding me

When I take up the path again

I feel lighter

As if the moss has soaked up some of the fog and the tears.

A shaft of light shows in the distance but is gone in an instant

Something within resonates and draws me to that spot

Like a moth to a flame

When I reach it there is no sign of light

Darkness has descended again

Giving me back my shadows

They seem intent on telling me something

But are mute

I have to find a voice for them but I cannot see to look

I rest again allowing the shadows to come closer

Up close they are beautiful with tiny flecks of light deep within

I draw back and cannot see them

I must dare to go closer,

Hold their hands and let them light my way

I ask questions and their tiny jewels respond in wordless dance

Time passes and I realise they are brighter

More animated

And have found a voice

I find an ancient mossy glade

Full of diamonds

And I realise my shadows have been reflecting this light

 I have found my light

And a voice for my shadows

I have found myself.